Category archive: Naughty Ones

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Admiral Lord Nelson…..great laugh!!!

    Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."   Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."   Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"   Hardy: "Sorry sir?"   Nelson (reading aloud): "' England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion

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Published on:
June 4, 2013 4:35 am
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

Neil Armstrong’s Secret!!!

  Neil Armstrong's Secret    On 20th July 1969, as commander of the Apollo11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon 'Thats one small step for man, One giant leap for the mankind,' were televised to Earth and heard by

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Published on:
June 3, 2013 8:19 am
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admin

A real naughty laugh!!

    A man checks into his hotel on a business trip and, feeling a bit lonely, he thought he'd call one of those girls advertised in phone booths when calling for a cab.   He looked in a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Veronique, a

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Published on:
June 3, 2013 6:12 am
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

Love the Irish..!

    Love the Irish     McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.   When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave,  "S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what

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Published on:
May 9, 2013 5:23 pm
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mailman

Very Good One for Laughs!!!!!

    A married couple met a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.    So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.  However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable

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Published on:
April 30, 2013 1:47 am
Author:
admin
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

SKIRT ZIPPER

SKIRT ZIPPER – this is HILARIOUS!   As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus

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Published on:
April 27, 2013 1:57 am
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

The Irish….We all love em!

  The Irish…   Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael O’Connor looks around and asks, ‘Oh, me boys, someone’s got to

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Published on:
April 27, 2013 12:26 am
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

Divorce Letter – Brilliant !!

Dear Wife,     I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for  seven years and I have nothing to show for it.  These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and

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The Dead Parrot and THE Golfer…as always!

          The Dead Parrot     At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto,  the caretaker at your country house."   "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"     "Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your

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Published on:
March 27, 2013 4:45 am
Author:
mailman

Why Women are never depressed….?!!

  From a Woman:Why women are never depressed?   Women can talk to attractive members of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.   A woman can never be blamed if it's wet on the floor around the toilet bowl.   If a woman cheats on her spouse everyone will assume it's because

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Published on:
March 26, 2013 3:29 pm
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

FAITHFULLY YOURS……..For laughs!

  Michael, Francis and Ubaldo are standing at the Gates of Heaven being interviewed by St. Peter.   Ok you, Michael, how many times did you cheat on your wife??   Let me be honest Peter. I've been seeing at least two or three different women a year all my married life.   Ok, your car

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Published on:
March 8, 2013 4:49 am
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

The Golden Urinal……………….

Before his 2001 inauguration, George Bush was invited to a 'get acquainted' tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Bill Clinton if he could use the personal Presidential bathroom.   When he entered the toilet, he was astonished to see that President Clinton had a solid gold urinal.   That afternoon, George told his

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Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

The Maid

The maid asked for a pay increase.   The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.    She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'   Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase.'  The first is that I iron

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Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

Lovely Insults!

                                       

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Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

Honeymoon tale ……

A Honeymoon tale ……   [ please excuse me for using  4 letter language in the following story ... I would have deleted them, but the story wouldn't be the same without  them....]   A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called up her mother.

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Published on:
January 26, 2013 4:22 pm
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

Ed and Dorothy….for laughs!

  Ed and Dorothy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.  When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Dorothy to dance

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Published on:
January 21, 2013 4:25 pm
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

NO enemies ..for laughs!

  All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady! Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, ' How many of you have forgiven your enemies? ' 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. 'Mrs.

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Published on:
January 21, 2013 2:55 pm
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

An old age village….!

  When the husband finally died, his wife put the death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, 'You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea.' Replied the widow, 'I nursed him

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Published on:
January 15, 2013 2:34 pm
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

Competition in Insurance!

  Four insurance companies were in competition.     One comes up with the slogan- "Coverage from the cradle to the grave".     The Second one tries to improve on that with- "Coverage from the womb to the tomb".     Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with- "From the sperm

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Published on:
January 15, 2013 5:45 am
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Naughty Ones

Valuable Anger management Lesson

Sometimes when you are angry with someone, It helps to sit down, take a moment to cool off, take a slow deep breath and think about the problem.          

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Published on:
January 11, 2013 3:58 pm
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Images, Naughty Ones

The Government’s new logo!

I guess it applies all over the world!              

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Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

Retirement At 65…….

Retirement At 65   Upon reaching 65, Bob decided to retire.  After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated with him.  She suggested he go and do something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby.  Bob obliged and went out for a couple of

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Published on:
January 5, 2013 1:55 am
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

Leather Dress..ever wondered?

      Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally???     Ever wonder why?   It's because she smells like a new golf bag!    

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Published on:
January 4, 2013 8:51 am
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

Perception…for laughs!

An Irish daughter had not been home for over a year.  Upon her return,  her Father cussed her. 'Where have ye been all this time?  Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?'   The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff…Dad. …I became

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Published on:
January 2, 2013 9:55 am
Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

Law abiding!! For laughs!

  A Kentucky State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young

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Holy Parrots!! For Laughs!!

  Holy Parrots!!! A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know to say one thing.' 'What do they say?' the priest asked. They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' 'That's obscene!' the priest

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Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

NEW SIGN!

  It's all about advertising the politically correct way –   Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: Two Prostitutes – $50.00. A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.  Just at that

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Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

The DUCK & the LAWYER …. for laughs!

      The Duck & the Lawyer    A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.  As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what

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Priceless!

  Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had

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Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

Story with a Moral!!!

  An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer

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Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

Laugh for the gals!

    One day my housework challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.   Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?     "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"     He yelled back, " University

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Sexing the computer…

    A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two

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Two Nuns…a good laugh!

    There were two nuns…        One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),  and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).  It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.  SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for  the past thirty-eight and a

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Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

The Arrogance of Authority

The Arrogance of Authority              A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.   He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."   The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there…..", as he

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In the Church….Real good one!

    The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.  A lady stood and walked to the podium.   She said, "I have a praise.  Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.  The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if

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Two Ladies in Heaven….good one!

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven 1st woman: Hi! My name is Sherry. 2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, & finally died a peaceful

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Honestly………

  A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask you a favour?”   “Of course. What may I do for you?”   “Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it… Is there

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Ageing gracefully!!

  HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT  OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING,  'SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?' WELL… YOU'LL LOVE THIS TALE FROM A WOMAN!!   I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.  I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. 

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Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones

A Naughty but good one!

  A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind

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Author:
mailman
Categories:
Humour, Naughty Ones
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