Recession Updates

By on October 18, 2017, in Humour, Trivia

1. Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves.
Ten were laid off
2. Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin and hired
Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate
3. Iron man now “air-pooling” with Superman to save fuel costs.
4. Women finally marrying for love, and not money
5. Q: With the current market turmoil, what’s the easiest way to make a
small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.
6. The credit crunch is getting bad isn’t it? I mean, I let my brother
borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I’m now America ‘s third
biggest lender.
7. Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window
in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they’d have nothing to do in the afternoon.
8. Q: What’s the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks, nothing.
9. Dow Jones is re-branded as “Down Jones”.
10. Quote from a wall street banker: This is worse than divorce. Ive lost
half of my assets and I still have my wife?..

PART II
The only “deposits” being made on a Ferrari are the ones made by birds
flying over them.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –

Q: What’s the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Q What’s the difference between a bond and a bond trader?
A. A bond matures.

Q. Did you hear Goldman Sachs has a new cafeteria?
A. It’s called the Warren buffet.

Q: What’s the Capital of Iceland ?
A: About 70 cents.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
A concerned customer asked his stock broker if the recent market decline
and volatility worried him.
The broker told him that he has been sleeping like a baby.
“Really?!?” replied the customer.
“Absolutely, ” said the broker,
“I sleep for about an hour, wake up, and then cry for about an hour.”

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-
The Difference between Communism & Capitalism
In communism we nationalise the banks and then push them to bankruptcy. In
capitalism we push the bank to bankruptcy and then nationalise them.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
A priest, a rabbi, and a mortgage broker were all caught in a
shipwreck.
Sharks were soon circling around.
The sharks eat the priest.
The rabbi starts praying fervently, but to no avail, as the sharks eat him
as well.
The mortgage broker is really getting worried, as a shark is coming for
him. But instead the shark puts him on its back, carries him to shore, and
lets him off.
The mortgage broker asks, “How come you didn’t eat me too?”
And the shark replied,”Professional Courtesy!


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